Photo by Servet Rakipi

Regardless of age, the sound of constant bickering, fighting, and arguing is draining.

When I talk to parents, the one piece of advice they seem to receive often is to make sure they spend enough one-on-one time with each of their kids and the reason for the fighting is because the child needs attention. This advice is fine. However, it’s not going to solve the problem of siblings fighting. It could help, but it could also prevent you from discovering the underlying issues behind the fighting.

Below are a few tips for handling fights between children of various ages.


You’re supposed to have all the answers.

Photo by Servet Rakipi

Once we become parents — without realizing it — we unconsciously subscribe to certain falsehoods about what it means to be a parent. For many parents, these common myths come up time and time again.

If we don’t stop to recognize what we’re adhering to, unhealthy patterns begin to show up in the way we parent. We operate from an unconscious place, automatic and reactive in nature. Here are the three most common falsehoods I’ve observed myself and other parents unconsciously subscribe to.

You’re supposed to have all the answers

False. Try approaching each decision resigned to the idea that you don’t have all the answers, nor…

It’s surprisingly simple.

Photo by Servet Rakipi (author photographed)

A while back, I was listening to author Elise Loehnen interview Dr. Bill Bengston on the Goop podcast. They were discussing the unique ways in which he helps his patients heal. Some would consider his methods unconventional. When Elise asked how he feels when he presents his findings to the medical community, his approach stopped me dead in my tracks. He said, “I always assume I’m wrong.”

I took this same idea — maybe I’m wrong — and I began to apply it to the way I parent. The results have been remarkable. The idea is not, for you the…

Do your best to resist the need to fix it.

Photo by Zach Lucero Unsplash

There is this belief that to be an effective parent you have to fix and solve every problem, and the faster you solve it the better. This leads to immediate reassurance the minute our kids come to us with any type of self-doubt or problem.

Observing my own actions as a parent I saw how quickly I would reassure my kids, in particular my daughter. For example, she would come to me afraid or nervous before a soccer game and say, “I’m so nervous about my game.” I would immediately respond, “Don’t be nervous!” This was quickly followed by words…


Photo by Servet Rakipi

As a parent the question, “Am I doing this right?” has followed me and tapped on my shoulder more times than I can count. Though the pandemic was wrought with challenges, this question led to a revelatory experience that will inform not just my parenting decisions, but life’s quandaries. I believed with enough manipulation that certainty is real.

What I have come to discover is that certainty is a fallacy and that’s ok. It’s more than ok, it’s a gift.

Dr. Edith Eger was being interviewed and she said something so incredibly profound: “There is no such thing as certainty…

How the gift of pausing, changed the course of my parenting journey.

Photo by Servet Rakipi

How many times do you use sarcasm to express your dissatisfaction? I would guess you usually do this more often than you’d like to admit. I have been guilty of this, and it has resulted in situations where I have not always put my best foot forward.

When my son became a teenager, I permitted myself to start using sarcasm. Partly because it’s how a teenager often speaks. …

Please stop asking me this.

Photo by Servet Rakipi

Me: Hi, my name is Albiona.

Other Person: Wait, what’s your name?

Me: Albiona

Other Person: Ok say that slower for me

Me: AL-B-ona

Other Person: Do you have a nick name?

Me: Nope

Other Person: You’re going to have to forgive me, I’ll never be able to remember that.

In so many ways, our names tell the stories of who we are. Growing up with the name Albiona, did not me make feel like one of the other kids at school. Where I grew up, most of the girls had names like Jennifer, Kimberly and Melissa. …

The constant quest to achieve what feels like an unattainable state.

Pick up a wellness magazine and you’re bound to find “Balance” in a headline:

Do You Have Trouble Finding Balance?

How to Find Balance in Your Chaotic Day

The Top 10 Secrets to Help you Feel More Balanced

Balance is important, and I think we have good intentions when we say we need more balance in our lives. But what does balance really mean? And why does it seem that we’re always searching for it but can’t quite get there?

I recently attended a yoga class where the instructor walked us through a balancing sequence. While in tree pose, some…

I'd like to be a writer! Thank you for the great content!

Photo by Servet Rakipi

Reflecting and discovering my unconscious beliefs

When I started practicing the steps in PARR (pause, acknowledge, respond, reflect), it helped me identify thoughts I was subscribing to. Moments of reflection allowed me to consider my subconscious beliefs of what it means to be a good mom. I’m going to walk you through a common experience among parents and share the insights I gained while reflecting.

Albiona M. Rakipi

Albiona has over 20 years of experience working with children and families. She is a writer, a parenting consultant and a life-long learner.

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